Beautiful Worries

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As I was lying in bed last night, I heard sentences in my head that sounded good enough for a blog post. All I had to do was get up and search in the darkness for a piece of paper and a pen and write them down or reach for my cell phone on the night table and type them in a memo. Even though I always do that, this time my legs were glued to the soft cotton sheets and my arms laid helpless on my sides.

The words kept coming and going through my head.  But my laziness/sleepiness completely defeated me and left me to ignore that interesting thread of thoughts that I hardly find these days and migrate back to my worries of finding a good job, staying in touch with my friends and planning out my future. Those worries that have blinded me from the enjoyable things this summer. Those worries that consumed my every prayer this past Ramadan and my every waking moment. Those worries that usually gave me headaches and made me lose track during conversations. Those worries that I try my best to keep aside and enjoy my morning cup of coffee and my late night movies. Only to feel nothing but guilt.

But then I keep reminding myself that the beauty of these days is in their uncertainty, in the not knowing where I will be living next month or the one after. It is the beauty of such a point in one’s lifetime where the roads cross, the paths alter, the direction shifts to feel this complete freedom, the nonbelonging to an institution. To wake up in the morning knowing that today you can chose a completely different path. Today you can do something you’ve always wanted to do. Today you can be someone else if you may chose so. The beauty of such a point in one’s lifetime is knowing that today you can change your life.

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