16 Steps to Build the Ideal Egyptian City.

This manual is for anyone who wants to live in Egypt but wants to escape all the noise, pollution, street vendors, and the horrible traffic. By following the steps below you can make your very own ideal city.

  1. Choose a foreign name. Try something Italian or French. Or maybe combine any two English words and create a name. Such as Blue Ocean.
  2. Choose a Location. The perfect spot would be a couple of kilometers away from Cairo, on the top of a mountain in the middle of Cairo, or along one of the many coasts in Egypt.
  3. Build a wall around your city. Remember how in Medieval times most cities had city walls around them to prevent attacks from enemies? You might want to do the same. This time use reinforced concrete. A great idea to decorate the walls would be placing ‘classical’ Roman/Greek (No one here knows the difference anyways) columns randomly on your walls.
  4. If you’re building a wall you’d definitely need gates. Many gates. Remember to spend a lot of time and effort in designing the gates. You need them to be very special for your ideal city. Something like the entrance of a Roman temple is a great idea.
  5. And Passport control checkpoints. You need to be able to kick out intruders.
  6. And of course, lots and Lots of Security. The last thing you’ll need is poor immigrants getting into your city illegally.
  7. Build The Great Mall. This is your main economic ‘income’. You might also need to organize a couple of concerts to attract prospective citizens into your new city.
  8. Build LOTS and LOTS of coffee shops. Egyptians love coffee shops. Try having the very expensive ones too. Also, make sure to have a variety of clubs in your city.
  9. The next step would be the housing. Don’t waste your time on designing a great apartment. Just use the blocks you have in the office.
  10. Don’t forget some very colorful renderings. Those babies sell themselves.
  11. Give a ridiculously high price for your units. Because people would buy anyways.
  12. For advertising, make ads in every newspaper in the country. Whole pages in the paper would definitely make it.  Don’t forget the billboards along The Ring Road, 6th of October Bridge and El Mehwar. Facebook is also a great marketing medium.
  13. Even if the country is facing water scarcity, you would still want to make a golf course, since it is a very popular sport in Egypt.
  14. Don’t forget to build a sports club inside your city. This facility needs a wall too. And some more gates. And security. And LOTS of greenery.
  15. Make all signs inside the city in English. Because how can an ideal city be any ideal if its people didn’t speak fluent English?
  16. When you’re done, you can start a new city. Make sure this one is bigger, more expensive and has a higher reputation.

Me, Myself and the Ghost

And you lose interest. You just loose it the way you’d lose a bet. So unexpected, so simple, so fast, faster than you’ve ever thought.

And then you’d lose patience and the world becomes a huge competition with no breaks or timeouts. You have to always move on and never stop. Objects lose their colors, their opaqueness and their attractiveness. Everything around you becomes thin air.

And then you’d lose your senses. Gradually, of course. You’d lose taste, and all foods become to you nothing but dirt. Dirt that you have to stuff in in order to survive.

And then you lose hope and darkness spills over the edges of your consciousness. Light bulbs become instruments to see the objects that are now gone and the lifeless faces of humans around you. The sun, shining so bright into your eyes, just blinds you. The beauty of the universe becomes a fact, and all poetics would be gone.

And then you’d lose people you thought you might keep. And you’re only companion would be yourself. You’ll be telling yourself about all your problems. You would become your very own best friend. You would lie to yourself to convince yourself you’re fine when you’re obviously not. You would become so immersed deep into yourself that at any gathering you’d be absorbed into your own bubble, deep into the never-ending conversation with your mind. People’s conversations would become senseless and absurd.

Since you’ve lost patience and hope and interest and contacts, you become nothing but an ignorant, careless soul. The artist in you is dead. The thinker is dead. And the magician, as well, is dead.

Your heart loses its passion, your soul simply breaks down and you become dehumanized. A robot you must think? But I would think I’ve became a ghost. My very own ghost. Alive.