My Dream Wedding is No Wedding


“I don’t want to wear a white wedding dress.” I tell my parents.

“Don’t say that!”, my parents shout out.

“I don’t want a fancy party either.”

Crosses appear on their faces.

“It doesn’t mean I don’t want to get married!”, I elaborate.

And I am not exaggerating.  I am the only girl I know who doesn’t want to wear a white dress. I am the only girl I know who hates even to attend weddings. Again, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to get married.

Last summer, I was supposed to have five weddings, four of them were of my cousins and the fifth, my uncle’s. Those kind of weddings that you can’t have an excuse for not attending.

As the curfew was declared in Cairo last August, two of the weddings were cancelled with only the Katb Ketab (Religious) ceremony and the other three were postponed.

And of course I was glad I didn’t have to attend any.

Wait, I almost partied when I heard the news.

Again, Why do I hate weddings?

I see wedding parties as an exaggeration. An exaggerated idea of marriage. For me, marriage is the simple idea of a union between a man and a woman that would start up a household. This simple idea is scared in all religions, and maybe that’s why people made up all the celebrations that have become so deeply rooted into our culture for anyone to abandon them.

But keeping the rituals simple is essential, in my opinion, to match the simpleness of the idea. Keeping it simple is the highest form of respect for the sacredness of marriage.

In Islam, for instance, marriage is done by writing the names of both the bride and groom on a form  by the Maazoun which is signed by the couple and two witnesses. Family members would be present.

A public announcement is a necessary condition for marriage.

The Prophet (PBUH) asked us to give food. No parties.

In the Islamic World, A couple of generations ago,  women would be celebrating at the house of the bride’s parents. All female family members, friends and neighbors would be dressing up, singing and dancing.

No fancy parties. An all-female party, where women can remove their hijab and dance freely without contradicting their religious beliefs.

A couple of decades later, when things became more ‘open’, weddings were still held at the house of the bride’s parents. The main living room would be emptied from all furniture and chairs would be ordered and placed in rows or semi-circles. Two chairs with flowers at the back would be reserved for the bride and groom.

Everyone sits, men and women, and some ‘wedding songs’ would be played. And that was pretty much it.

And if the living room won’t fit, the ‘wedding’ might be extended to the garden (if there was any) or even the rooftop.

No tens-of-thousands-pound-fancy-five-star-hotel-halls.

No men-and-women-dancing-contradicting-our-culture and well, our religion.

No guests-can’t-hear-the-one-sitting beside-them because of the loud music.

No children-sleeping-on-their-mother’s-lap because wedding starts at 10 pm.

You see the point I am making?

I am against weddings because of three things: first, I don’t get all the money paid for a couple of hours spent dancing.

Second, I see wedding parties as a place for people to show off to each other, and something that would make good gossiping material for all family/friends, attendees, and definitely not missed by the folks on Facebook.

“The groom is much prettier than the bride!”

“The daughter was very pretty, but her dress was awful!”

“She made me embarrassed in front of the other families.”

And so on. And so forth.

And last, Weddings are family discos. Everyone gets in the dance floor.  My point is, If you’re family approves of you to dance in a wedding they should approve of you going to a disco with you’re friends. No really, what is the difference?  That’s another result of our society’s double standards.

You’re going to tell me it happens once in your life and all of that shit. Well, what difference is it when we’re having all the weddings exactly the same? Other than the bride and the groom of course, everything else is exactly the same: The white wedding dress, the hotel hall, the dance floor in the middle of the hall (That’s why I call weddings family discos), the wedding starting at night and ending a bit before sunset, the flowers behind the couple’s seats (Kosha), the Zafaa or the entrance ceremony, the couple exchanging their juice glasses (since we don’t drink alcohol)..etc.

Which bores me.

Apparently people have lost any sense of creativity and stopped thinking out of the box! Or maybe this is the result of Mubarak’s regime, that change is forbidden, and those asking for it are cursed?

So no one has the urge to change?

I will.

Because I believe that a revolution of the Mind is what we really need.

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